I have been heavily procrastinating the release of this weight. But now the time has come.
I have been going back and forth with deciding whether to publish this post or not. This post has forced me to be vulnerable on a new level. However, that is a huge part of my intention with The Queen Project– to be vulnerable with my journey, so that others can relate and ultimately see the love of God.
For the past few weeks, I have felt the pressure of talking about this topic, let alone the pressure of sharing it with the world wide web. However, I learned over the course of procrastinating these past few weeks, that the weight of the pressure that I have been feeling is for a bigger reason that I was not aware of, but I am now. I remembered that everything I do for The Queen Project, and all of the wonderful ideas and visions that God gives me for The Queen Project is worth the weight of the pressure that I may feel because I know that this blog and these projects are bigger than me.
God is at work, and He is going to accomplish some amazing things with The Queen Project [I’m already claiming it! 🙌🏾]. However, God reminded me that He will not be able to accomplish any of His work through me if I am not healthy enough to do so. Thus bringing me to the topic of my weight…
Ever since I can remember, I have always been chubby, thick, “healthy”, “big boned”, “pleasantly plump”, and the list goes on. But If I’m being very honest about my self, I must say I have always been overweight. For a long time, my weight was something that I either avoided talking about, or I would make jokes about my weight as a coping mechanism to deal with the fact that I was not pleased with my body.
I am grateful, however, for my grandmother and mother who has always instilled in me a great deal of confidence. They taught me how to carry myself in a way that made people not focus on my weight but on my character and how I treated people.
Over the years I have been back and forth of accepting the possibility that I may always be overweight, or not allowing me being overweight become my reality. It has been very exhausting going from one extreme to other- of committing to my “chubbiness”, and then on the flip side persecuting my weight. Nevertheless, in my current 27th year of life, I have found myself in a happy medium between these two ends of the spectrum.
For the first time in my life, I am in a place of full acceptance of my body. I am accepting the things that I can not change and changing the things that I can. What I can not change about myself is the fact that I am never going to be the girl that can eat whatever she wants, and not gain any weight. I am accepting the way God made me, and I am willing to put in the work to get my body where I would like for it to be and to stay healthy.
Losing Weight < Lifestyle Choice
I believe that when I was focused on losing the weight, everything seemed harder. It was harder to eat the right foods, avoid the sweets, and to get up and get active was like getting my teeth pulled. Now that I am accepting my body the way that God made it, my focus has shifted from losing weight to making healthier lifestyle choices. I have the ability and the resources to make healthier lifestyle choices, so why not take advantage of that? Plus I have found making healthier lifestyle choices, thus far to be much more exciting and encouraging rather than something I have to do because I want to lose weight.
My plan as of right now is simple- workout, eat as healthy as I can, watch my portion sizes, and try to get a lot of rest. [Seems like the things many of us should do automatically, right?] Another part of my plan is to document it, as I go. This post is the first of many to come, so get ready to take this journey with me!
I hope and pray that my journey of loving myself enough to put in the extra effort to take care of myself, will inspire to do the same and to keep going! See you soon and remember that you are #worththeweight!